(So, the second number of our program today is our Indian brother that will tell some jokes for us.) (And make You laugh.) […] OK. Let’s hear some Indian songs. (Jokes.) Jokes? OK. The Indian people have jokes? Wow, I missed something when I was in India then. I never heard any jokes in India. I always heard something like, “hey” or “chalo.” (We tell jokes, and everybody’s laughing.) OK. Yeah.
Come, please. We want to hear now. (A man went to a dentist...) A dentist. (...with two front broken teeth. So, the dentist asked him, “How you’ve broken your teeth like this?”) Lie down. (He said, “My wife served me with very hard bread.”) Hard bread? (Hard, hard.) That hard? OK. (Yes.) Alright. (Then the dentist told him, “Why did not you refuse?” So, he said, “That is the outcome of my refusal.”) What? (“That is the outcome of my refusal.”) Oh, I see. I see. Because he refused, so she punched him, and he lost his two teeth. Not because of the hard bread. Oh, I got it. That is funny. OK.
“That’s the outcome.” “Outcome of my refusal.” Understand? (Yes.) Because he refused to eat it, so his wife gave him something else. I cannot believe that. I cannot believe that. The Hindu wives, they are just like Japanese wives – in the old times, never dared to talk back at the husband. (Times have changed.) Times have changed? Then I’ll go to India. Then I’ll go to live in India now. I like it. Yeah, it’s the same in Japan.
They say, before, the Japanese wife served the husband like a king. Nowadays, it’s maybe the opposite. I saw the change in Japan. I bought a house, a log one there for the disciples to meditate, for your brothers and sisters there. And one time, we had to go to the house of the one who sold us the cabin, the log cabin, wood cabin. He sold many. There was one big community, and I got one house next to the stream. Then, one day, we had to go to his house to do some paperwork, and his wife came to my house to invite me to their house. And it was very late already, almost midnight, and he was wearing his kimono already, maybe ready for bed. But he was walking up and down in front of the porch, waiting for his wife... and us. And he cooked for me even. Yeah, he cooked whenever... He has a cabin also, next to mine... Not next, but nearby, one of. He kept it for himself and his family. And then whenever he went there, he cooked for me Japanese (vegan) noodles. Yeah! Mensch (Man)! So, he must have cooked a lot at home for himself and for his wife and children. He was very respectful and loving to his wife. So, I think the time has changed also in Japan. Yeah, I could live there too.
Another joke? (Yes.) Whoa. (A beggar knocked at the door and asked for food. The house lady gave him happily a good meal. And beggar went happily. The next day the beggar again knocked the door...) Came back. (...and handed over a book to the lady, “How to cook good food.”) Ask her how to make good food? (The book. Gave her a book.) (The next day, the beggar came back again to the house.) Oh, give her a book. Ah, a cookbook. (“How to cook good food.”) “How to cook good food.” Oh, sorry for him that he had to bear the bad food. Wow, that’s original. I never heard these two jokes before. Many jokes we heard are similar, but this one is really original. True India.
Come on. More? (Yes, one more.) Only one more? (No. Many more.) We can go on all night. Yeah, go on. I like jokes very much. (The wife complains to her husband, Mullah Nasruddin.) Mullah Nasruddin. OK, then I know. Then it’s going to be bad. (“Look how Your neighbor looks after his wife. Brings a gift every day.”) Gift every day to his wife. (And then every occasion also. The Mullah said to His wife, “I also want to do the same, but I don’t know how Mr. Chandu, her husband, would behave.”) You understand? (No.) No, no, no. You don’t. OK. I translate.
You know Mullah Nasruddin? (Yes.) The Master, who always laughs at Himself and makes jokes at Himself and makes jokes for everybody. OK, one time, one day His wife, the wife of the Master – “Mullah” means Master in Islam, Teacher – so, one day, the wife of this Mullah, meaning “Teacher,” complained to Mullah Nasruddin, meaning her husband, a Master but her husband, “Look at the husband of the neighbor, he takes really good care of his wife. Every day when he comes home, he brings her some gifts, presents. And on some other special occasions also, he always brings a gift. How come you never did that?” OK. So, the Mullah – Mullah Nasruddin – meaning “the Teacher,” her husband said, “I also like to do the same very much, but I don’t know how her husband will react to me.” Now you got it? In plain English. (Yes.) That was “Hindi,” and now I translated it.
It reminds me of a similar joke. One man said to the other one… Two friends were drinking somewhere, and then one said, “Oh, I [have] had a terrible headache since yesterday, and nothing helps me.” So, the second man said, “Oh, I also sometimes have that headache. All I do is just lie on my wife’s lap and then after half an hour, the headache would be gone.” OK, alright. So, then he continued and went to work, and the friend said goodbye. And then, in the afternoon, they saw each other again, and he said, “Oh, how is your headache? Is it better? Did you do the same what I told you?” He said, “Yes, I did, and your wife is beautiful and your house is so nice.” He’s supposed to go home and lie on his wife, not the friend’s wife.
(A lady went to a dentist and told the dentist, “I have a bad tooth, and I’m in a hurry.”) Bad tooth and in a hurry. (“I’m in a hurry. How much time it will take to extract the tooth?” The doctor said, “If I give you anesthesia, it will be about one hour.”) One hour? (“If I give you anesthesia and then extract the tooth, it will be about one hour.”) Yes. (Time, it will be about one hour.) Yes. (She said, “No, no. I’m in a hurry. If you don’t give me anesthesia,) How long? (how long?” He said, “It will be only five minutes.” “OK,” she said. Then he said, “OK, OK.”) (Then the dentist felt that this lady is very brave to have the tooth extracted without any anesthesia.) Any anesthesia. Oh, I wouldn’t dare. (So, she said, “Oh, no, no, doctor. Not for me, it’s for my husband who’s standing outside.”) Understand. It’s not your tooth, so it doesn’t matter. You understand or not? (Yes.) Yeah? (No.) What do you mean no? That was in plain English.
I’ll translate, OK. A woman went to the dentist and said, “How long does it take to extract a bad tooth? And I’m also in a hurry.” So, the dentist said, “If I give you anesthesia, then it will take one hour.” And then she said, “OK, if no anesthesia, how long? Because I’m in a hurry, I can’t wait an hour.” So, he said, “OK, only five minutes.” She said, “Oh, no problem.” But the dentist said, “Oh, you are such a brave woman. How can you bear the extracting of the tooth without anesthesia?” She said, “No, no, it’s not for me. It’s for my husband, he’s coming.” Poor husband.
OK. Another one? Yeah, has to be Indian joke. We heard too many English jokes already. Joking, joking. (A priest went to Heaven,) Yes. (and he was given a small bungalow and a small car.) Small car, small house. (Then he found that one man who was living very posh with a very big house and also a very big car. He went to God and told Him, “How come this fellow has got such a big) Big house. (house?” The priest told God, “I have done so much for You. I have prayed to You. I did all good things, and how come I’m getting this thing? Only a small house. And that fellow who told all lies in his lifetime – he was a lawyer – all lies he gave in his lifetime, how he’s got a big house?”) Yeah. (God told him, “Like you we have plenty, but a lawyer, we have only one.”) Oh, I see. In Heaven, there’s only one lawyer. Because everybody else’s not there. Other lawyers are not there, right? (Yes.)
Put it on the floor. The floor is clean, right? Just put it on the floor. I don’t have anything here. OK, good. That’s what he wanted. Sorry, he (Good Love) didn’t like your joke. He wants to eat. Sorry. This guy is a guard dog; he has no sense of humor. He loves some (vegan) snacks here. That’s why.
OK. Any more jokes? (One more.) OK, one more. (A father was very annoyed because his son always used to tell lies.) His son always tells lies. (Tell lies. So, what he did, he brought a robot.) A robot? (Yes. The quality of the robot was whenever anybody tells lies, he will slap that man.) Oh, oh really? (That was the quality of the robot. So, the father told his son, “Look, I have brought this robot. This is his quality.” And one day, the father said, “When I was of your age, I used to come first in my class.”) First, OK. (“First in my class.” The robot slaps the father.) I like that. I like that very much. (And then the wife, the mother, said, “Oh, look at your father.” She told the son, “Look at your father.” And the robot slapped the mother also.) Oh, because he is not his father either. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. This is terrible. Terrible. I guess you don’t understand, huh? You have to learn “Hindi”. OK. Do I have to translate? (Yes.) You don’t understand? Just pull it down. Don’t touch with your finger. The floor is clean, your finger I’m not sure. The floor is cleaned every day.
OK. The father bought a robot for his son. Because his son always tells lies. The specialty of this robot was that whoever tells a lie, he would slap him. So, the father bought this robot so that his son would not tell a lie again, because every time the son tells a lie, the robot will slap him. So, one day, the father said to the son, “Why are you so lazy? You don’t study well. When I was your age, I was always the first in the class.” And so, the robot slapped the father. And then the mother came and said, “Haha… look at that. You see, your father told a lie, that’s why.” And the robot slapped the mother because that’s not his father either. (Oh, my God.) Quiet. Quiet liar. OK. Good. Anymore? Or something else? Oh, sorry. Thank you. Thank you. That was really funny. Funny. All original jokes I’ve never heard before.
Photo Caption: Ah! Nature Is Beautiful and Kind
